Identifier

I have been insecure about my sexuality most of my adult life. It has not and was not always on the forefront of my mind, but the insecurities were always there. I wondered what was wrong with me because I didn’t really like sex, and I kind of hoped that this would change once I’d get into a relationship, which it did, but I can still say that I don’t feel like I have what I think would be considered a normal level of sexual desire.

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It was Superman

I feel like I get messages whenever I am in difficult situations. At the beginning they were like a little push that I needed to make some decisions, but this year for the first time, I have decided to just close my eyes and trust the messages, which is super scary.

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Lost control

He died. That’s drama enough. Everyone showed compassion and nobody knew what to say. But the background is that I was hiding him and I was embarrassed to tell people that I was pregnant. I can’t have him now and I didn’t even honor him by showing my joy for his existence. I so wish now that I could do it differently.

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My right to exist

Like an evil ghost, there is a dark force inside of me that keeps trying to convince me that I am worth nothing. It tells me that I am not good enough for anything. It sells itself to me as the ultimate truth and insists that I don’t need to try to fool myself into believing otherwise.

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Either way will be fine

I want to say something out loud for myself that has been progressing for some time. It’s the possibility of having a child. I want it to be a recognition that it’s ok either way – if it happens, great, if it doesn’t, it’s also fine. I want to be able to come to that point where I can say and feel that it’s ok and it’s not such a big deal.

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My decision was the right one

What was impossible to say up to now is clear to me today: In those days I looked after myself. I looked at my situation and the system I lived in. I want to confidently stand behind my decisions and communicate it that way, without becoming tense. I had very particular reasons for choosing the path of termination and not the path of pregnancy.

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