The whole situation with my ex-husband is long and complicated with multiple facets. But I have come to terms with it, because I disassembled all that happened into single components and slowly demolished that monstrous wall. There is one aspect though that I have never talked about and that sometimes still bothers me: the huge disappointment caused by my ex-mother-in-law.
Continue readingTag: knowledge
Different journeys
Since we broke up, my life has changed in many ways and there are so many new perspectives that I have incorporated into what I believe and who I am. I loved him and I still care about him, so I wish I could talk to him about what I have learned and initiate similar thoughts in him in some way.
Continue readingGrace and closure
I left my long-term boyfriend in the worst possible way. It’s one of my biggest regrets in life. It’s not the break-up that I regret, but the hurtful way I went through with it. He did not deserve this. I was a coward and a fool. I convinced myself that I understood life, but the truth is, he was way ahead of me.
Continue readingLost control
He died. That’s drama enough. Everyone showed compassion and nobody knew what to say. But the background is that I was hiding him and I was embarrassed to tell people that I was pregnant. I can’t have him now and I didn’t even honor him by showing my joy for his existence. I so wish now that I could do it differently.
Continue readingEverything so far has been a lie
I was never able to say this to anyone and maybe I never will be, to all the people around me who ever crossed my path and of course especially to those who are closest to me, that I have no general knowledge whatsoever. It is incredibly embarrassing. I’m ashamed of it. But it is what it is.
Continue reading