I would like my niece to know my story so that she understands what’s really behind it and that what she might be told at home may not be the only truth. One day she might look for other versions of reality, just as I did, and sometimes it’s very hard to find them.
Continue readingTag: relationships
Dark spots
I had a very small family that consisted only of my parents, two grandmothers and me. Of those four, I wished three of them dead. This is a dark chapter from my past that I don’t like to look at.
Continue readingThe teaching thing
I’m caught up in the possibility of marriage right now. I’m still undecided but the cons outweigh the pros for me. Maybe it’s not the right choice. For the time being I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt, that there are some things that I should hold my horses on and let time settle them. For example the sexual interaction, that’s one main thing, and her naivety.
Continue readingThere is no perfect
I would label myself a relationship addict. I have these weird controversial ideas about life. I tried to dig deep in my feelings, emotions and reactions to find out what was the reason I became like this. Why are relationships so important to me and how am I functioning at all in relationships?
Continue readingMy brother from a last life
I thought that after such a long period of unconditional, selfless standing by somebody, it would be the natural beauty of a person to show respect for the time, energy, support and resources that they have taken and have come to accept as their birthright. But he ended it very ungratefully.
Continue readingI stand up for myself
I would like to tell my mother that she did nothing wrong. She feels that I am giving her the impression that she did something wrong because of how I live my life. I wish for her to be able to better accept me for who I am and what I believe. I wish for myself that I could speak out my mind without fearing an escalation of emotions in every instance.
Continue readingEither way will be fine
I want to say something out loud for myself that has been progressing for some time. It’s the possibility of having a child. I want it to be a recognition that it’s ok either way – if it happens, great, if it doesn’t, it’s also fine. I want to be able to come to that point where I can say and feel that it’s ok and it’s not such a big deal.
Continue readingShe has no access to me
I haven’t spoken to my sister for the last 9 years. I made this decision knowingly and willingly and I communicated it to her. I told her that she will never see me again if she leaves now, and she left. So I made this decision final for us. She never accepted it as such, but she has to live with it, just as I do.
Continue readingI was a huge asshole
Once you start telling a person “I love you” there is no going back. At the beginning it’s real. Towards the end you are less confident about saying it but you don’t want to show it. That’s when it only gets worse, and that for me, is cowardice. Cowardice is something that underlies a lot of my relationships. Now that I have realized this over the past years, I can call it out more easily.
Continue readingIs there unconditional love?
If I said this to my parents, I assume that our relationship would end. I am not ready to say it to them. I don’t really know how this would affect my mind. But I think it’s at the core of why I’m unhappy with my life even now.
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